Score: 6

"summary of review"

submission: Sanity

date: November 24, 2009

Before I begin, note that I will mostly be talking about what to improve. The ratio of negative comments to positive comments does not necessarily indicate a negative or positive review. The numbers at the top mean more.

Alright. Watch out with using someone else's script, because this one is full of cliches, although it could be worse.

You need to build when doing monologues. Every line from beginning to end should be going towards a goal, and moving towards a climax. Create different emotions in different parts of the script- not like one isolated line, maybe a few lines that Insane Larry has a reaction to. What would Insane Larry think of this? What would he think of that? Express it very clearly in your voice. Also your sudden jumps to anger and sobbing were unrealistic. You have to hold back before you can let go. Your character can hold back tightly and put on a good show, but remember the emotion does have to come from somewhere.

Your anger and sobbing are simply unconvincing, and some of your phrasing and inflection is unnatural. Remember as you do the voice of someone you think is "insane" that he is still quite human and should talk like you, I mean, like a regular person with different emotions injected into it. So an "insane" person isn't going to have a different pattern of speech.

Make sure you have a lot of variety in each line. Take a close listen to every line here and think about where the pitch of your voice goes- it pretty much follows the same path each line. Mix it up!

You have some sexy radio voice. I think you need more practice, but I do not think "Sanity" is without merit. Good job.

Score: 10

"Best!"

submission: [ m a t u i t ]

date: April 2, 2008

This is your best acoustic song ever! Great lyrics, actually, usually I don't think the lyrics are as good as the music but I was overall impressed with this song, truly. Keep it up, man. Never stop.

And tabs, please!

Score: 7

"I like it, make more!"

submission: I feel sick

date: March 22, 2007

You've only been doing this for a few weeks, I see. Well I am pretty impressed. I liked this, it was a little boring and repetitive but catchy. It sounds very nice and basic.

Keep going, you do have talent, to answer your question. Great one.

I need to spend more time in the Audio Portal. :)

Score: 4

"Doesn't seem to fit together."

submission: Defied reality (Finished)

date: March 16, 2007

This really needs a lot of work. I like the fact that it seems to be a very true and pure expression, but most of it doesn't seem to fit together. It was random, I think you were going for that. That part you achieved. The synth seemed a bit out of place in parts, and the claps in the background I didn't really like. The piano was not much of a tune, I hope you know that, but I sort of liked the disjointed-ness.

It also seemed to ramble on with no point for a very long time.